10 Reasons Why You Won't Make Money Online - Stupid!

Everywhere you look on-line these days springs up countless pages offering you ways to make money on-line. Some say they'll make you millionaires by this time next year. Some say that they know a "secret" they'll only tell you and a handful others that will make you more money than you can spend.

I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that you won't make any money online. I have been trying since 1995 and have had an advantage too. I am a programmer that knows how to make web applications. So if anyone should be able to make money online, I'm one of them! I can assure you, I have tried everything. Every idea I can come up with I have tried. Nothing has worked.

1) Sell e-books

There's plenty of people out there ready to tell you that you can make mountains of cash reselling e-books. Their argument is that since they cost nothing to deploy you can sell them fast and sell them cheap.

First of all you need to buy some of those resellable e-books. Most likely you'll pay for a bunch of these books all with MRR (master resale rights). You will probably pay anything from $10 to $100's for a small library with a MRR license. Titles include, "how to look after your pet badger" or "selling e-books for fun and profit".

Once you have a library, you will want to start selling your "stock". So to start with you make a listing on Ebay costing 20c. Then you find out that you are no longer allowed to sell "e-books" on Ebay. So you start burning your e-books to CDROM and start selling a tangible form of the e-book for $2.99 all in. 10 days later after a handful of visitors to your Ebay page you get zero sales.

By luck or judgement, you finally make a sale and think that you have made some money online. But after deducting your Ebay fees, Paypal fees, postage, packaging, printing, disc costs and time, you have finally made a loss.

After your "bad luck" you decide to sell e-books direct via a shiny new website. You find a hosting company and pay them a yearly fee for a domain name and some web space. You purchase a book on writing HTML and spend countless evenings working out how to make a website page look anything other than complete rubbish. So you next invest in a template and find that taking this template and inserting your own content just doesn't work either. No matter hard you try, everything looks terrible and nothing lines up.

A few months later you admit defeat and walk away a few hundred dollars out of pocket.

After being let down by method 1 you decide that you should not trust your own judgement and you give in to the temptation to buy an on-line course on "how to make money online". There are many titles for these "courses" such as "mind control marketing" or "alchemy cash making machine".

And why wouldn't you buy one of these fantastic educational masterpieces? They're so beautifully designed, so brilliantly put together. Hundreds of people have given their testimonials, real snapshots of Paypal accounts complete with earnings and a 60 day no quibble guarantee? Nothing to lose, right?

As you sign up you also find yourself giving in to loads of extras that you cannot do without, such as "The mastermind monthly traffic report weekly" for only $47 per month every week.

You sign up for this because it's a "once only offer" so you don't want to make the mistake of not choosing this extra in case you need it in the future.

You get your "instant report" and find that you become an expert at promoting this very same report to other people. The author has also kindly agreed to give away his own Google Adwords list of premium keywords for free! So very kind! These keywords are only costing £10 a click and converting 1 in 5000 clicks! And what about those brilliant articles already written for you to save you time writing your own? It's a breeze creating a Blogger page and pasting in the pre-made text right in there, control C then control V. The search engines love this sort of thing too - at my last check, my blogger article was right up there at page 497. Not only that, it was only amongst 5,000 other pages with the same editorial. Very pleased with that.

Three months later and £1,949 gone from your account, you finally work out how to cancel the standing order. It was easy. Just log in with your username and password (not emailed originally) then click on "contact us" to be taken to a "customer support" website set up especially to make it easy to cancel your standing order. Once here you have to join from fresh and await for some kind soul in support to tally up your email address with the one you supplied in the first place. Three days later you are emailed a link to click on to confirm that you are sure to be taken to a page that asks for you to log in again.

It was hard to ignore the warning that any current or subsequent earnings will become null and void. I hope that you didn't make a mistake?

A friend calls you to say that he has found a way to make money online. He's a friend. He doesn't lie.

He sends you a link with lots of funny question marks and equal signs along with a nickname. But you take no notice of this. It's all part of the fun, no?

You have joined, "Totalido" and have been advised to join up with PaySense and again, are given a funny web address complete with funny letters and numbers at the end. It's all part of the fun, no?

The prospect of surfing 20 websites a day to be rewarded with 144% return on your investment is too good to miss. You whack in $500 of your hard earned cash. The instructions say that every 12 days you will end up with 144% back meaning the for every $100 going in, $144 comes back - a $44 dollar profit! Yay! So if you put this back in and do it again and again and again, in the space of 6 months you'll have $500,000 ! Wow, how easy is that? OK, surfing can be a pain, but what the heck? In no time at all, you will be able to buy a house in cash!

You patiently surf 20 sites every day for 12 days. Your account has the reward as promised. You re-invest and do it again, and again. And again. You borrow money and put that in too. This is really amazing. Why doesn't everyone do this? It's not like they're taking your money to pay new members is it? It's not like it will reach critical mass one day and collapse?

Three months later, just before Christmas you opt out and ask for a real cash out rather than re-invest. Nothing happens. You email and complain. Nothing happens.

The author, Fred who can't spell, makes an announcement asking everyone not to panic and wait for a few days whilst the new server is rebuilt. After all, thousands of people access this server, it must take a hammering. It must need upgrading.

Another week passes and you start to read on forums and mailing lists that "Fred" has gone somewhere to get some revenue in order to pay everyone. Fred never comes back.

You love fruit machines in real life.  Heck, you once got the £7 jackpot in 1987 on "Robbers & Cops".  How can you fail whilst knowing all those hidden features, like holding after a nudge and seeing a win drop in?

Online, in the comfort of your bedroom, you can become a master of the fruit machines on-line.  There's a multitude of machines to choose from and most of them have 96 line combinations.  You must win something on each spin, surely?

Oh, and look at this!  FourforFour offer a free play account with $1,000 to gamble with!  Wahay, I can test my skills before comitting!

You put in some pretend credits into "King Kan Kum" and watch the wheels spin in all a frenzy.  Dum, dum dum dum.... Dum, dum dum dum.  Hey, what's that?  A wild card?  Wow, that means that it takes the place of any symbol on the machine.  How exciting.  Dum, dum, dum dum.  Wahay, I have just hit a 96 double wild card bonus.  I now have $22,000!  Imagine if that was real money!

Your wages come in and you deposit $800 into your account.

Dum, dum dum dum. Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.  Dum, dum dum dum.

Paff. I've run out of money.  Nevermind, I get paid again in a month.  Surely I will win next time?

You don't and your wife leaves you for not paying the mortgage.

You're bored in your bedsit. Your kids won't visit you because your bed smells funny. What can you do with your job seekers allowance?

That's right, play poker for money!

You hunt around and see a nice looking poker website with, what looks like, real people playing around a table - online. You look closer and see that these real people are in fact 3d rendered images of people's imaginations.

You say to yourself how much fun it must be playing poker against a wizard with a large beard. And to bluff against a punk rocker with yellow hair and a orange flame t-shirt must be such a thrill.

You put $150 into a 100% first deposit match bonus scheme - of which you don't understand but feel must be fair.

Something to do with "playing through your bonus 500 times" must be fun! These people are so generous!

You find a table and start at low stakes - you have to be careful. After all, you have to win because you have spent your food money. It's not a problem, because every Christmas you win at Pontoon with your Dad and Gran.

The hands are dealt. You have a four of clubs and a ten of diamonds. You think that you can bluff and raise the game and up the stakes from 10p to 50p. Everyone goes "all in" and you feel that to save face, you do too.

The rest of the cards come out and there's a King and Ace on the table. Someone else wins. You lose.

OK, must be the luck of the table. I'll try a higher stake table and maybe people will be better players and so avoid those numbskulls who go "all in" every time.

You put all your money in your kitty and play at a $1 table. It's easy. Just stay cool and only go on good hands. Throw everything bad.

Seven hands later and you're bored. You hit a King and Ten. You raise to $5. The flop comes out and you hit a Ten! You want to show you're serious and put others out of the game and go all in. Everyone folds except the last guy who also goes all in.

The last two cards are turned and the cards are turned. Your colleague has a pair of Jacks and takes the pot. You walk away $150 down.

Ahh! What about the $150 matching bonus. What do you mean you have to play $100 five hundred times? That doesn't make sense?

You decide that poker is not for you and steal some lunch.

Like what you have read so far?  I have loads more stories to tell you, like not making money from affiliate marketing.  How to not make money with Twitter and how to not make money from iPhone application programming...

If enough people comment or badger me I'll write the rest!

Chris